Don't you just hate pants?

I stole that phrase from a friend of mine (who stole it from the Simpsons...thanks Cris) because I like it and I think it's funny. But, really, who likes pants? They're restrictive, they get in the way when you least want them to, often you can trip over them. Really, what good are pants?

I, for one, think we should boycott pants. People should get over their worries about walking around with no pants on. If no one was wearing pants, would showing the world your underwear really be that strange?

Also, I think this would be a boon to the underwear manufacturers of the world. There would be a huge increase in the sale of designer underwear; because if that's what you're showing people...why wear tighty-whiteys, right?

The only problem that I see is weather. I live in the Northeast and it can get damn cold up here. The idea of heading outside on a 20 degree morning with nothing between the cold winter air and my pasty white legs is not one that I relish. I've not quite figured out a way around this problem yet...short of never leaving the house during the winter; which isn't really in the cards. Maybe we'd have to build a vast, heated, underground transit system to get around with during the cold months or something. I'll have to think on that.

Alas, until people get over their predjudices against not wearing pants (and we solve issues like the cold weather thing), it would seem that we're stuck with pants...in public at least. But I say, when you're home, lose the pants!

You want to take my what???

So now, apparently, bacon causes cancer. Health experts in the UK have gone so far as to say that we should eliminate it from our diet as humans.

EXCUSE ME??? ELIMINATE BACON??? FUCK YOU!!!

The day I stop eating bacon is the day I take my leave of this green Earth. It will not happen. Bacon is just too tasty. Sure, I know, bacon isn't so good for you. Fat and whatnot. So don't eat pounds and pounds of it. But to suggest that we ban it? That's just crazy talk. What's next? Chocolate causes the gout? Ice cream is linked to rabies? Where does it end?

For me...it ends with bacon. I'm done with "scientists" telling me that I shouldn't eat this or I shouldn't eat that. They never know for sure. Things like this change all the time. Milk used to be good, then it was bad, now it's good again. Same thing with eggs.

The way I see it is this: everything in moderation. I'm not going to stop eating anything because some scientist tells me to. I just don't eat or drink too much of any one thing is all. Bacon for breakfast once a week is not going to kill me. Neither is a six pack of beer a night...OK, that might some day, but you know what? It makes me happy so damn you for judging me.

Stop eating bacon...now that's just nuts.