Damn crazy cats

So, here's a good one...

I live on a relatively busy road. People don't generally drive too fast on it; it's just that there's usually a lot of them. Yesterday afternoon was no different.

So I'm sitting on my front porch yesterday, waiting for my son to get home from school. As I'm sitting there, cursing the rain which I had thought at the time might impact my trip to the Sox game that night, I see Steven the neighborhood stray cat come tearing across my yard from behind the house. (Note: I have no actual idea if his name is Steven...I just call cats that I don't know that...little habit I picked up from a friend.) So Steven comes flying around the side of the house like something huge is chasing him. I mean he's off. He goes straight across the yard...and right into the road.

At this point, I start making the face that most people make when they think they are about to see something horrific. You know, teeth clenched, squinted eyes, head half turned away, but not really because you want to see what the hell's going down.

So, Steven flies into the road, narrowly avoiding a car coming up the hill on the near side. Gets halfway across and seems to come to the sudden realization that he is a) running full speed across a currently busy road b) just cheated Death once and c) Death isn't happy about it and has sent a minivan down the hill to take care of that.

The minivan driver (who was making the same face I was making), sees Steven in the road and lays on the brakes. I do a little mental calculation and there's no chance of a miss here. Steven's about two feet from going right under the front tire of this van and there was no way she was stopping.

So as I mentioned, Steven seemed to grasp his impending doom at that moment as well. What does he do with this information?

He tries to jump over the minivan.

So, picture this...cat running full speed, converging on a minivan going about 35mph. They're maybe three feet apart and the cat decides, "Fuck it, I'm going over."

He doesn't make it.

This thing jumped probably four feet in the air, head-first, right into the side of a passing van. *THUD*

At this point the minivan driver is probably like, "Holy crap, I just killed that cat!"

Meanwhile, Steven is spinning in mid-air. Literally. I think he went around twice. Turns out, though, that he wasn't dead. Damn thing landed right on its feet (it stumbled for half a second, sure)...and then took off back across the road into my backyard again...totally fine.

I was in awe. I actually gave the thing a round of applause. I'm pretty sure that I heard it laughing Death right in the face as it took off.

"Went well"...really?

Here's the thing...my definition of brain surgery that "went well" is that the patient didn't fucking die.

All joking aside...all the best to Ryan Westmoreland for a full recovery.

Clearly this guy hasn't watched Alton Brown ever...

...because if he did, he'd have at least the faintest of clues as to exactly how integral salt is to cooking. With the possible exception of water, it is quite possibly the most important ingredient in any kitchen. This news story about an Assemblyman from Brooklyn who has introduced a bill to ban all salt in the preparation of any food in restaurants is beyond belief. Not only would this seriously harm the restaurant industry by making all of their food taste far worse, some foods are just not possible to make without the complex chemical reactions of which sodium is an integral member.

Simply put...it's amazing to me how dumb some elected officials can be. This is just ignorant.

So...this pisses me off

There has been a story floating around for the past couple of days about a three-year-old girl who tragically shot herself in the abdomen and subsequently died because she was playing with a gun which she mistook for a Wii controller.

If you've already read the linked story, you see where I'm coming from. My initial reaction was, "Well...how the hell could she mix up a gun with a Wii controller...they're freaking white and don't look anything like a pistol."

After seeing the peripheral in question, however...I see how the mix-up occurred. The thing looks like a damn gun.

That being said...it's still inexcusable.

Here's the thing: a lot of people are trying to blame either Nintendo or this Chinese company who makes the very pistol-like peripheral for this young girl's death. However, neither are remotely to blame.

Who is?

The fucking parents. (Sorry...this is where I get into the sweary part because I'm angry.)

Who the FUCK leaves a LOADED FUCKING PISTOL on their coffee table when there is a three year old running around the house. Nay...let me rephrase that.

Who the FUCK leaves a LOADED FUCKING PISTOL on their coffee table right next to an almost identical case for a Wii controller while there is a three-year-old running around the house.

Actually...who the fuck does that in the first place?

Most people seem to want to blame the video games but I just don't get it.

Sure, the case looked a lot like a gun. That being said, this is in no way Nintendo, nor the manufacturer of the peripheral's fault. The blame lays squarely at the feet of the parents. Nintendo didn't force them to import this peripheral from China, nor did the company that made it.

The parents purchased a black-market peripheral from China which looks exactly like an actual gun.

The parents let their three-year-old child get used to the idea of "gun-as-toy" by letting her play with the peripheral.

The parents left a loaded firearm which looked very similar to the peripheral out in the open for the child to find.

The parents ignored the fact that there was a three-year-old child AND a loaded firearm mere feet from them.

Here's the thing...if I sound judgmental...it's because I am in this case. It's quite simple. You don't leave loaded weapons around children. At all. Anyone who does and something bad happens as a result of that action should be criminally prosecuted...plain and simple.

This tragedy had nothing to do with video games and EVERYTHING to do with negligent parenting.

Whiskey on the rocks...and some milk for the little one...

So...this is an interesting debate. Should parents be allowed to bring babies (and toddlers) into bars? Want my opinion? Well too bad cause I'ma give it to you anyway...FUCK NO! Why? For the very reason many of the parents who participate in such an activity state as their reason: because it's a place where adults hang out.

To me, a bar is a place I go to have Adult Time...away from my children. Don't get me wrong, I love my children dearly. But sometimes, adult interaction outside of one's workplace is a needed respite. That being said; if I'm at a bar (and I'm talking an actual bar here...as in a place whose almost exclusive reason for existence is to sell alcohol...not a restaurant), seeing a kid pretty much tosses Adult Time out the window. I immediately go back to "parent mode"; which is to say I become more cognizant of my behavior and censor myself to a certain extent. This is not relaxing...which is generally the whole point of having a few with some friends.

Not to mention the fact that, well...it's a damn bar. Maybe it's just the places that I generally hang out, but bringing my kid to the local haunts on a Saturday night so I can have a pop or two is not on the top of Dr. Spock's list. (Full disclosure...I used to play video games at the bar my parents would hang out at...which was across the parking lot from our apartment...I was like 9...not 14 months and in a stroller. I stayed out of the way...in a different room...where the games were. Call me a hypocrite.)

People on the other side of the debate lament how they feel "disconnected" from the adult community because of the fact that they have a kid. They can't get out to interact with other adults as often as they'd like because of the responsibilities of parenthood.

Cry me a fucking river.

YOU decided to have a child. YOU should have understood that with the great rewards that come along with that decision, there are trade-offs. Nothing is free.

FACT: When you have kids, you give up a certain amount of personal freedom. Scratch that...you give up A LOT of personal freedom. What you get in return is immeasurable satisfaction in the act of bringing new life into the world, molding it and watching it grow into its own.

Listen...it's simple. Bringing your kid to a bar is selfish and rude. There are people there who decided not to have kids...their reward is getting to go to the bar whenever they want. There are people there who have kids and went through the difficulty of securing a babysitter for the evening so that they could get away from them for a little while. They don't even want to be dealing with their own children at that point, let alone your little rug rats. Do them the simple kindness of allowing them a night off.

I guess what I'm saying is: if you want to go to the bar, get a babysitter. If you can't get one...tough shit. You made the decision...don't make everyone else suffer because you're not willing to accept the trade-offs that come with it.

I was told that there would be snow...

...I was lied to.

I love when these "weather-people" get everyone all braced for a Major Snow Storm and then...nothing. Always a good time. All this sort of thing accomplishes is the state and local governments sending all their employees home for nothing, getting pissed off about it and then ignoring the reports the next time there's a Major Snow Storm predicted. Next thing you know, the State House is buried under three feet of snow and packed to the brim with crazed, starving bureaucrats who are already mere hours away from eating each other as it is.

Yes...poor weather prediction leads to cannibalism.

Fact.